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Thoughts & Essays
(Reprinted with Permission of Authors)
"Understanding
Individual Differences:
Inborn Temperament"
Helen Neville
Differences show up very early. It's obvious when
you listen to a group of mother's talk about their infants.
After the initial 3 months of settling in, the temperament traits
that become apparent by 4 months are likely to have a significant
effect on what is ahead. The eventual outcome will of course,
depend on both nature--(who this baby is upon arrival) and nurture--(how
we interact with this particular human being).
Thanks to forty years of research we now have
a clear and practical vocabulary to describe inborn differences.
The following chart describes the extremes of temperament traits--at
the edge of each continuum. Most babies are somewhere in
the middle.
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Activity
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Very Low: These babies take the world in with
their eyes. They sit a lot and use their fingers more
than their feet, so they tend to develop "fine motor
skills" earlier--they will likely learn to string beads
and print sooner than really active preschoolers.
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Very High: These babies were active before they
arrived--lots of action in utero. They will keep moving.
They are likely to crawl, walk, climb, jump and skip
earlier than less active youngsters. Start planning
how to turn part of your hose into a gymnasium!
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Sensitivity
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Very Low: These babies don't particularly notice,
and aren't' bothered by the little sensations of life.
These toddlers are apt to take a tumble, and get up
again without a whimper, because they simply didn't
notice the discomfort.
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Very High: Some babies take in all the details
of the world around them. They may notice when their
diaper is wet, or the rough label inside the nighty.
They may notice changes in lighting, even little sounds,
or the flavor of a new brand of applesauce.
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Body Rhythms
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Very Regular: These are the babies with a strong
biological clock. They wake, eat, and get tired at the
same time each day. These youngsters put parents on
a schedule!
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Very Irregular: These babies don't have regular
eating or sleep times. They will eat best when they
feel hungry, not when the clock says it's lunchtime.
You can gradually try to make bedtime more regular,
but that doesn't mean sleep will be regular.
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Emotional
Intensity
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Very Mellow: These babies generally frown or
whimper when upset. Of course they cry when really upset,
but usually parents can figure out what they need long
before things get desperate.
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Very Intense: These babies can go from giggling
to screaming in a second. All events feel like
major events! They may have very strong feelings about
personal space, and thus hate getting their faces washed.
Be quick!
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Curious/Cautious
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Curious: These babies reach for everything.
Once crawling, every nook, drawer and switch will become
a mystery to be solved. Childproof, childproof, childproof!
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Cautious: These babies explore with their eyes.
They watch other people do things before they decide
that it's safe to try. Expose them to new things slowly
and gradually.
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Adaptability
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Very High: These babies generally move easily
from one activity to another. They take daily transitions
in stride, and handle the unexpected fairly easily.
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Very Low: For these babies, even routine transitions
can feel hard. They may cry regularly upon waking because
it's is a change! Shifting gears is hard for them--both
getting in and out of the high chair. Tell them
about everything ahead of time (when possible)--so they
have more time to shift gears.
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Frustration
Tolerance
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Very High: Some babies quietly endure frustration
and push on through it. They wait quietly while a bottle
warms, and practice again and again to stand up.
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Very Low: Low frustration tolerance can show
up in two different ways. Such a baby, who can't stand
up on the first try, may crawl off and try something
easier. On the other hand, when told, "Don't touch the....."
they may wail and keep going back, rather than quietly
endure the sense of frustration.
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Is My Baby's Behavior Normal?
Temperament expands our concept of "normal," so we stop expecting
all babies to act the same. It is essential to ask, "Is my baby
acting normally for a youngster of this temperament?" For one
baby, being quiet and mellow is normal. For another, the same
behavior could suggest coming down with an illness! It is normal
for a cautious toddler to cling to you in the park, and for
a curious one to head for the furthest corner.
Temperament Types: Boxes or Bridges?
Some parents fear that analyzing their child's temperament means
setting up self-fulfilling prophecies. It's important to realize
that from the temperament perspective, there are no "bad" temperament
traits. All traits have their advantages and disadvantages.
Think about your own traits and you will see how true this is!
If I'm really tall, I can reach high shelves and dunk basketballs.
And, my life will be much easier if I learn to duck my head
when going through doorways. If I'm really short, I might choose
to be a jockey or a gymnast. And my life will be much easier
if I learn how to use a stepladder. The ultimate goal of understanding
temperament is to help each of our children make the most of
who they are.
How Can I Learn More about Temperament Traits
and How to Work with Them?
Internet: www.Preventiveoz.org
To do a temperament profile of your baby (after 4 months
of age) click on Image of Your Child.
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Book: Temperament Tools: Working with Your
Child's Inborn Traits by Helen Neville and Diane Clark
Johnson.
See www.parentingpress.com/b_temt.html
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Individual Temperament Consultations. A questionnaire
about your child provides the basis for planning temperament-appropriate
strategies for your specific issues of concern. Call (510)
752-1456 or e-mail helennev@jong.com
with your phone number and good times to reach you, in
order to set up an appointment. (Note, if your child is
a member of Kaiser Permanente, you can call (510) 752-1456.)
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Class for Parents of Spirited Children ages 9
months through 4 years. This 12-hour class meets Thursday
evenings, 7-9 p.m. There are 3 series per year, usually
starting in September, January and April. Sponsored by
Bananas Childcare
Resource and Referral Inc. and Kaiser Permanente. Open
to the public. Call (510) 752-1456.
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| Workshops for parent or professional groups.
Call (510) 654-2018. |
Helen Neville, BS, RN, has been director of
the Inborn Temperament Project at Kaiser Permanente Hospital
in Oakland for almost 10 years. She co-authored "Temperament
Tools: Working with Your Child's Inborn Traits," "Temperament
Based Parenting Classes," "No-Fault Parenting," and "Preparing
for the Teen Years." She has presented workshops around the
country on inborn temperament. Previously, she spent 20 years
at Kaiser, Oakland, as a pediatric advice nurse, and instructor
in both parent education and stress management. She is the mother
of 2 adult children.
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Jennifer Subasic-Marks, CBE, CLE, Doula and Mom
Director of Support Group for Mothers
510-868-2617
P.O. Box 6675
Albany, CA 94706
E-mail: Info@SupportGroupForMothers.com
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