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Babies From a Mothers Group

Thoughts & Essays
(Reprinted with Permission of Authors)

"Understanding Individual Differences:
Inborn Temperament"
Helen Neville

Differences show up very early. It's obvious when you listen to a group of mother's talk about their infants. After the initial 3 months of settling in, the temperament traits that become apparent by 4 months are likely to have a significant effect on what is ahead. The eventual outcome will of course, depend on both nature--(who this baby is upon arrival) and nurture--(how we interact with this particular human being).

Thanks to forty years of research we now have a clear and practical vocabulary to describe inborn differences. The following chart describes the extremes of temperament traits--at the edge of each continuum. Most babies are somewhere in the middle.

Activity

Very Low: These babies take the world in with their eyes. They sit a lot and use their fingers more than their feet, so they tend to develop "fine motor skills" earlier--they will likely learn to string beads and print sooner than really active preschoolers.

Very High: These babies were active before they arrived--lots of action in utero. They will keep moving. They are likely to crawl, walk, climb, jump and skip earlier than less active youngsters. Start planning how to turn part of your hose into a gymnasium!

Sensitivity

Very Low: These babies don't particularly notice, and aren't' bothered by the little sensations of life. These toddlers are apt to take a tumble, and get up again without a whimper, because they simply didn't notice the discomfort.

Very High: Some babies take in all the details of the world around them. They may notice when their diaper is wet, or the rough label inside the nighty. They may notice changes in lighting, even little sounds, or the flavor of a new brand of applesauce.

Body Rhythms

Very Regular: These are the babies with a strong biological clock. They wake, eat, and get tired at the same time each day. These youngsters put parents on a schedule!

Very Irregular: These babies don't have regular eating or sleep times. They will eat best when they feel hungry, not when the clock says it's lunchtime. You can gradually try to make bedtime more regular, but that doesn't mean sleep will be regular.

Emotional
Intensity

Very Mellow: These babies generally frown or whimper when upset. Of course they cry when really upset, but usually parents can figure out what they need long before things get desperate.

Very Intense: These babies can go from giggling to screaming in a second. All events feel like major events! They may have very strong feelings about personal space, and thus hate getting their faces washed. Be quick!

Curious/Cautious

Curious: These babies reach for everything. Once crawling, every nook, drawer and switch will become a mystery to be solved. Childproof, childproof, childproof!

Cautious: These babies explore with their eyes. They watch other people do things before they decide that it's safe to try. Expose them to new things slowly and gradually.

Adaptability

Very High: These babies generally move easily from one activity to another. They take daily transitions in stride, and handle the unexpected fairly easily.

Very Low: For these babies, even routine transitions can feel hard. They may cry regularly upon waking because it's is a change! Shifting gears is hard for them--both getting in and out of the high chair. Tell them about everything ahead of time (when possible)--so they have more time to shift gears.

Frustration
Tolerance

Very High: Some babies quietly endure frustration and push on through it. They wait quietly while a bottle warms, and practice again and again to stand up.

Very Low: Low frustration tolerance can show up in two different ways. Such a baby, who can't stand up on the first try, may crawl off and try something easier. On the other hand, when told, "Don't touch the....." they may wail and keep going back, rather than quietly endure the sense of frustration.


Is My Baby's Behavior Normal?
Temperament expands our concept of "normal," so we stop expecting all babies to act the same. It is essential to ask, "Is my baby acting normally for a youngster of this temperament?" For one baby, being quiet and mellow is normal. For another, the same behavior could suggest coming down with an illness! It is normal for a cautious toddler to cling to you in the park, and for a curious one to head for the furthest corner.

Temperament Types: Boxes or Bridges?
Some parents fear that analyzing their child's temperament means setting up self-fulfilling prophecies. It's important to realize that from the temperament perspective, there are no "bad" temperament traits. All traits have their advantages and disadvantages. Think about your own traits and you will see how true this is! If I'm really tall, I can reach high shelves and dunk basketballs. And, my life will be much easier if I learn to duck my head when going through doorways. If I'm really short, I might choose to be a jockey or a gymnast. And my life will be much easier if I learn how to use a stepladder. The ultimate goal of understanding temperament is to help each of our children make the most of who they are.

How Can I Learn More about Temperament Traits and How to Work with Them?

Internet: www.Preventiveoz.org
To do a temperament profile of your baby (after 4 months of age) click on Image of Your Child.

Book: Temperament Tools: Working with Your Child's Inborn Traits by Helen Neville and Diane Clark Johnson.
See www.parentingpress.com/b_temt.html

Individual Temperament Consultations. A questionnaire about your child provides the basis for planning temperament-appropriate strategies for your specific issues of concern. Call (510) 752-1456 or e-mail helennev@jong.com with your phone number and good times to reach you, in order to set up an appointment. (Note, if your child is a member of Kaiser Permanente, you can call (510) 752-1456.)

Class for Parents of Spirited Children ages 9 months through 4 years. This 12-hour class meets Thursday evenings, 7-9 p.m. There are 3 series per year, usually starting in September, January and April. Sponsored by Bananas Childcare Resource and Referral Inc. and Kaiser Permanente. Open to the public. Call (510) 752-1456.

Workshops for parent or professional groups. Call (510) 654-2018.

Helen Neville, BS, RN, has been director of the Inborn Temperament Project at Kaiser Permanente Hospital in Oakland for almost 10 years. She co-authored "Temperament Tools: Working with Your Child's Inborn Traits," "Temperament Based Parenting Classes," "No-Fault Parenting," and "Preparing for the Teen Years." She has presented workshops around the country on inborn temperament. Previously, she spent 20 years at Kaiser, Oakland, as a pediatric advice nurse, and instructor in both parent education and stress management. She is the mother of 2 adult children.

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Jennifer Subasic-Marks, CBE, CLE, Doula and Mom
Director of Support Group for Mothers
510-868-2617
P.O. Box 6675
Albany, CA 94706
E-mail: Info@SupportGroupForMothers.com